While I was making my matcha the other morning (and being the drama queen that I am), I realized the ratio was off.
I had added too much water.
That tiny imperfection—along with what felt like the other four thousand things that inevitably went wrong that day—sent me spiraling into the thought: Why do I feel this way? Why is so much of my joy tied to getting things “just right”?
Deadlines approaching. Expectations pressing in. That all-too-familiar feeling like people are watching, waiting, grading me. In my mind, if I don’t hit the invisible benchmark, I’m letting someone down.
Here’s the funny part: the matcha was actually good—maybe one of the best I’ve made.
It made me think about how holding onto an expectation for an outcome can blind us to the goodness already in front of us—and, worse, how it can keep us from letting God work according to His will instead of demanding He conform to ours.
The Boost Trap
No matter how much I think I’m doing “all the right things,” God keeps showing me that I’m still relying on outside entities—praise, approval, even the dopamine rush of checking things off a list—to feel okay.
Then I go back to my reference Scripture, Matthew 11:28-30:
“Come to Me…”
How much am I actually paying attention to that part? Meditating on the fact that God is inviting me in—wanting me to come, desiring to care for me.
I love how willing I am now to lay things at the feet of Jesus. That didn’t used to be me.
I used to internalize everything—sitting in pain and anxiety until it made me physically unwell. I thank God that I surrendered.
Learning what God thinks of me helps, but it’s knowing Jesus for myself that has truly shifted my life. Goals and lists are great tools to keep me on track, but they should never substitute the peace and release that comes when I leave it all with Him.
The “Performance Review” I Didn’t Know I Was Doing
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